The Sideline Group Dynamic!
Oh parents! We help drive our kids environment’s. After observing close to 1,000 youth soccer games you know what I found? Those with parents who CHEER! NOT COACH! play better and have more fun! Be an 80s parent!! Huh? No I am not asking you to go get a bad perm or wear those pants with utility pockets for every snack known to man. You know what 80s parents were not obsessed with every detail and what formation is your Coach running, and did you see that play that Charlotte did? I can’t believe Johnny missed your perfect pass. STOP IT!!! you are not helping your player by letting your insecurities spill over onto them! I did not realize this at first. I let my husband lead in the post game talks and things didn’t feel right in the car rides home – kids were aloof staring out windows with very little response, school conversations didn’t have such rigor. Then we found articles and youtubes and they all said – just say I loved watching you play! It felt wrong because we were crossing a boundary. We are the parent, not the Coach! If you grew up in the 80s parents maybe said hey that was fun to see you make that basket, or your dribbling was amazing – then quickly it shifted to let’s go get dinner or ice cream etc. Not a full ESPN 90 minute in depth analysis of every play. Be an 80s parent and chill!
What do I do when other parents complain to me?
About another player
Do not tolerate other parents complaining about a child to you! Remind them that they are discussing a child, who is there to play soccer period. It must be assumed there is not an ulterior motive by the player. Have there been ‘bullies’ or mean kids on our kids teams? Yes. Who needs to address this? The Coach and the mean kid’s parents. Better yet – equip your son or daughter to not be bullied or picked on. How? Build their confidence and have them directly confront the bully. If nothing changes they escalate to the Coach. If nothing changes then yes mom and dad step in. Of course this all depends on the level or type of bullying. So do not let other parents stir the pot with you. Nothing good can come of it. Let that parent know you are not that mom or dad with a sympathetic ear. The need to shhhh!
About a Coach
Usually parents gripe about the Coach. Point out the positive. Ask them if they have talked to him or her about their concerns. Do not engage in the gripe. There are several reasons to not engage. First, the soccer community is small. Yes millions in the United States play, but the Coaching network is an interwoven web. I have seen Coaches who during a game I thought they despised each other then at another tournament they are laughing and hanging out. Secondly, some parents truly do not see that their child is not in the median level of skill as the others on the team, and they are looking for a scapegoat for their player’s skill level. I know I know its not fair. Neither is life friends. It is a tough world. I prefer a Coach who requires excellence from their players rather than equal playing time. Yes, of course, it depends on their age and the type of environment your child thrives in. Some families will do Rec and Club so that their child can play more minutes or play some minutes on the first team and most minutes on the second team. There are always options and choices to be made.
That is the question I would pose to another parent or to you as you read this, and myself as I reflect; What are you willing to do to change things for your child?
Do you think his/her development process is your responsibility or the Coach’s? Similar to education, we as parents, entrust teachers to provide an education. But we are ultimately responsible if little Ralphie or Lizzie is not learning their ABCs and 123s, we need to seek tutors or switch schools or supplement their homework.
Here is a site that provides an idea of what to look for in a Coach : Good Soccer Coach
I am developing a form or checklist on what to look for in a soccer coach.Coach Evaluation is Coming Soon!
Other parents
Yes you will find there is a tendency to gossip in the soccer world. Not unlike any other space we live in – school parents, work colleagues, dance troupes, gymnasts etc. Basically be leery of trusting anyone. Some of the other parents are looking for ways to potentially take you down, to lift up their son or daughter over yours – it’s not personal really any other player but theirs – or to have you ousted from the social group. Be cordial, and encouraging of everyone’s player. Even the not so good yet kids are trying. The cream of the crop always rises. Though our kids are not quite old enough for recruiting, I read time and time again, that the parents are also being evaluated. So mind your sideline self!
