This is a doosey – whether it is your kid or fellow teammates kid. It is a reality in Club sports – they are competitive – so the best play. There are times the best don’t get playing time, perhaps you turned down a coach’s offer to do private trainings – A BIG NO NO – the Coach should not be offering private sessions to those on his own team. Is their a rule against it? No. It is just seen as an ethical type thing. How can a person not be biased if they spend more time with one player over another?
If it is your child and they are under 9 v 9 or 11 v11 – do you leave? Perhaps. Do you stay with the club and request to move down a team or sometimes a year up isn’t as good so you will get more time. Perhaps. You have choices. There is not much whiplash that can happen if what you are doing is in your child’s best interest. And what fun is soccer if you are not getting minutes. This is also a time for a character lesson. Not many people are taught grit and earning their place in the world anymore. But how does the world work? You need to earn it. Is my natural inclination as a parent to think my cute sweet Timothy deserves it all? Yes, then reality sets in. Timothy is a human, and he needs to be taught hard work and intrinsic motivation. Taught to show up at practice – not being there – that is my responsibilty. But I am talking about BEING there – with his all mentally and physically ready to give all and learn it all.
What do I do if my player is not getting ‘fair’ minutes?
Don’t jump ship first! Have the conversation with the Coach first. The sooner the better. One thing I have learned is the Coaches 98% of the time do not communicate proactively with parents. Why would they when Mr. and Mrs. Smith let them know every single opinion? Coaches have many parents contacting them that we do not see. When they are at their other jobs, when they are at home trying to spend time with their family, when they are in the parking lot. When you are still in the years of development – ask! Ask the Coach where they see your child excelling and where they can do better. Ask how can he/she get more minutes? At some point, your player needs to be asking and taking ownership of his/her game. There will be a time when you get the Coach’s attention, but let your player know that is all you are doing. It is up to him or her to lead the conversation. Many clubs enforce a 24 hour rule after a game. This is a great rule to follow as it is meant to dampen any emotions that may interfere with a conversation – especially one about playing time.
What have my kids experienced and what did we do?
My kids have played 50/50 minutes, entire games most of the season, and guess what one year 2 of our kids would play 3-10 minutes per half. Did we leave the teams? No. Was this the time they deserved? I would have said no, but it’s the Coach’s decision. This was a season for them to learn and their siblings by observation – what part can you control? How you practice, how you play when you do get minutes, persevere, how you are as a teammate, asking for feedback after you do play. Was I irritated at times? Did I loathe lugging all the things to watch a total of 6 minutes of my child playing? Yes – BUT – greater lessons are to be learned than my son being a ‘star’ . And they both rose to the challenge. We did not complain. Guess who started to speak up – other parents. Yes. when you don’t gripe or complain and your kid plays at 100% when they are in, others notice. Now all our competitive level kids – the 4 boys play most of their games, hardly subbed out. They needed a year to grit and grind. And it developed their character and they have confidence as they earned it, not mom whining about it.
So are you using this as a season of character building? Putting in the unseeen work? Perhaps you see a player like mine you can speak up for? I have advocated for kids that I think have developed and should be moved up – again kindly and resepectfully as it is Coach’s call.
What are your thoughts on the matter? Please share at SoccerParentAcademy@gmail.com